365 Questions: When I think of home, what comes to mind?

I'm heading to my cottage for two weeks so will have limited access to the Internet. So, here are my answers for the next two weeks. I hope everyone is having a great summer. I'm looking forward to a restful vacation at my cottage. Cheers!

WEEK 28

192. If you had to teach, what subject would it be?
There are a lot of universities that are teaching courses based on the music of Bruce Springsteen. THAT would be a cool subject to teach. That being said, I would probably teach something in the humanities, like English.

193. Who do you love, and what are you doing about it?
I love my co-workers who are also friends. They. Get. Me. And I’m free to be my authentic self around them, which is great. It’s kind of weird to say, but if I’m feeling low, I know that coming into work will usually make me feel better because of them. So, I love them back as hard as I can. I do this through hugs, kindness, compassion, being helpful, and acceptance of who they are.

194. What does joy look like?
Joy can manifest itself in a number of ways: a wide-eyed, big smile. Dancing with complete abandoned enthusiasm. Jumping around. 

195. How would you describe your relationship with your parents (past or present)?
I would say my relationship with my parents was probably a pretty normal love-not-quite-love relationship. I grew up with a mother of extreme emotions and a father with very limited emotions. This made childhood pretty interesting. My mom and I butted heads quite regularly during my teens and did not see eye-to-eye on a number of things. But, I was also the child who lived at home the longest (moved out when I was 29), so I think I had a very close relationship with them as I grew older. They truly were wonderful people and I miss them both very much. 

196. When you think of “home,” what comes to mind?
Even though I’ve lived in Barrie longer, I will always think of Barry’s Bay as home. That being said, home is probably wherever I am – especially if I’m with my loved ones – that’s all that really matters.

197. Name a time in your life when the impossible became possible?
I have a freaky gift that appears once in a while: on a few different occasions, I have asked for something out loud, with absolutely no expectations attached to it, and it has come true. I am usually asking for these things in moments of total frustration and don’t expect them to happen. Many years ago my car was reaching the end of its life and it was getting a bit dangerous to drive but I wasn’t looking forward to having a car payment again. I said out loud, “I wish someone would just give me a car.” A few days later, a friend of mine was dropping off a donation for a fundraiser I was involved with and asked if there was anything else I needed. I jokingly said, “Well, I could use a new car.” And he ended up giving me his wife’s old vehicle – a Toyota Corolla. It had been sitting in their driveway for months and he just wanted to get rid of it. It had almost 400,000 km on it but it got me through the next year and was a great little car. I have a second story involving a bunny, but it’s not quite as pleasant so I won’t share it here.

198. In this past week, what one moment do you want to remember most?
I went to a concert at a local bar this week that featured four amazing performers: Brett Caswell, Dave Thomson, Irish Mythen and Pat Robitaille. It was an amazing night of good company, great music and laughter. 

WEEK 29

199. Life is too short to tolerate …what?
Negativity.

200. If you could live one day over and over again, what day would you choose?
There are far too many spectacular days to just pick one. Any of the days during my 50th year Springsteen pilgrimmage with my soul sisters Kimberly Wright and Laura Cornish. That whole trip was epic. The day in Ireland when we ended up at Gus O’Connor’s pub in Doolin, Ireland. The last good day spent with my mom and dad – maybe the day we celebrated their 75th and 80th birthdays.

201. If your life was a movie, would you enjoy watching it?
Oh God. I’m sure there would be some moments where I would just want to close my eyes, but it would be entertaining.

202. What do you owe yourself?
A little bit of trust in that I’m on the right journey.

203. What’s your soul like?
I’m sure my soul is a little bit rock and roll and a little bit Namaste. I picture it as a little turtle with attitude.

204. If you had power and influence, what would you change in the world?
No one should be hungry or living on the streets. I would love to eradicate that from our world.

205. What one thing do you hope to accomplish most this year?
I’ve been doing quite well in a new health and fitness program. I’ve lost a little over 40 pounds since last year and feel great. I started working with a personal trainer in January and she prepared a nutritional plan for me as well as a fitness program. I’ve always been a good gym person, but not a great eater. I think the change to how I eat has made the biggest difference and I plan to continue eating this way as best as I can for the rest of my life. I try to live by the 80/20 rule, so I know it’s do-able. My goal for this year is to lower my blood pressure medication or even eliminate the need for it entirely. 

WEEK 30

206. If your life was a newspaper edition, what would the main headline be?
Springsteen fan brings joy to friends through hugging.

207. If you could choose how you die, how will you go?
I just want to go peacefully in my sleep of old age.

208. What ghosts haunt you?
None at this point. I’ve dealt with all my ghosts.

209. List the five people closest to you. Are they holding you back or helping you fly?
Here are five people who are close to me: my sister Andrea. Kristin, Pat, Kimberly. Audrey. They are all helping me fly and are very supportive people in my life. There are many more I could list and all of them encourage, love and lift me up in a number of spectacular ways.

210. Do you have any tattoos? Describe. If not, what might you get?
I don’t have any tattoos and probably wouldn’t get one. I think I would be the type of person, who once I got one, would likely become covered in them. I know I would get a Springsteen lyric – probably, “Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night” tattooed across the back of my neck as my first one.

211. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
At what store did I buy that winning lottery ticket?

212. If Santa was real, what would you ask for this year?
Dear Santa: send me my special person. I have been so good, and I’m ready.

365 Questions: What breaks my heart?

WEEK 24

164.        Are you standing in your own way?

I may have been in the past but I’ve moved out the way for a lot of things. I’m certainly not perfect but I’m making better choices and working on my stuff.

165.        Where/when do you get your best ideas?

I find I can come up with some pretty great ideas when I’m running. Despite the fact I love music, I don’t plug in when I exercise. I like to be alone with my thoughts during that time. When I’m exercising I like to meditate, ruminate, think about things, and I find it can be one of my most creative times.

166.        If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?

I think I would have to be a dog – simply because I absolutely love cuddling and being touched. And on occasion, I like to lick people . . .

167.        What do others usually ask you about?

Despite the fact that I’m single, my friends usually ask me for relationship advice or help in solving other kinds of problems. I also know a lot of people, so I’m a good source if you’re looking for someone with a particular skill. So, I get a lot of, “Do you know someone who does . . . “ kind of questions. 

168.        How open-minded would you consider yourself?

I’m a pretty open-minded person. I might be a bit opinionated when it comes to certain things like music, but I’m generally pretty open to hearing someone else’s take on things. Although, you will never get me to like Kanye West. I’m definitely closed-minded when it comes to him.

169.        Are you cheating on your future with your past?

I would definitely say I have cheated a part of my future because of past actions, but I’m living in the present as much as I can now and I have accepted my past as what it is: the past. I can’t change it and it’s made me the person I am today. But, the past is merely a reference section to where I’ve been and what I’ve done. It’s not a set of directions for where I’m headed in the future. 

170.        Do you “should” all over yourself?

Not anymore. “Should”ing serves no purpose.

WEEK 25

171.        When are you most present?

Well, definitely not in the morning. It’s probably around the early evening . . . maybe 6ish. I also try to be very present when I’m with people – especially those I really care about. 

172.        Do you believe in aliens?

I certainly believe they exist on some level, but I don’t really dwell on it too much.

173.        What breaks your heart?

When my trust is broken it breaks my heart. I’m an “all-in” kind of person and I love with abandon. When I open myself up to someone and allow myself to be vulnerable and then, for whatever reasons, my love is not appreciated or returned in the same manner, it crushes me. Rationally, I know when this happens it has absolutely nothing to do with who I am, but rather who they are, but the initial impact still hurts. I’m a sensitive soul, and until I started this whole dating process, I never realized just how sensitive I am. But a good friend told me recently that one of my gifts is making people feel like they’re the most important person in the room when I’m with them. So, it breaks my heart when this gift is rejected.

I was recently “ghosted” by someone I was seeing. For those of you not familiar with the term, it basically means that someone you’re dating just disappears from your life. No phone calls. No response to texts or calls.  No explanation; they’re just gone. When things aren’t working out – for one person or both people involved in a dating situation – it’s never pleasant to have “that” conversation. But while you, if you’re the one on the receiving end of the conversation, may feel sad or disappointed that the other person may not feel a connection, at least you have some closure. When you’re ghosted, you still end up feeling sad and disappointed, but you also feel unimportant, confused and rejected on a brand new level. And again, rationally, I know it doesn’t have anything to do with me. Rationally I know that. My little sensitive soul on the other hand needs a bit of time to grasp the concept. All I can say to anyone dating is, please try not to do this to anyone. There may be a number of reasons you feel why disappearing is the better way to go:you may think it’s kinder, less messy, not awkward or simply the easiest way to extract yourself from an unwanted relationship. But bottom line, it’s really not a nice way to end things. None of us like breaking up with someone – or being broken up with – but do the person a solid, and break up with them rather than just disappearing.

174.        When was the laugh time you laughed so hard it hurt?

I can remember laughing really hard with my co-worker and friend Jaye recently about something that just struck us as funny. For the life of me I can’t remember what it was, but we both laughed so hard (and couldn’t stop laughing) we cried. 

175.        Is your glass half empty or half full?

My glass is totally full.

176.        Do you practise self-love or self-loathing?

I practise self-love as often as I can. It’s just another muscle.

177.        When did your heart last beat so hard it felt like it would explode through your chest?

I don’t remember if my heart felt like it was going to explode, but, when the last guy I was seeing kissed me for the first time (on our first date) my heart definitely kicked into high gear. It was the kind of kiss I hadn’t been expecting but it unquestionably touched a deep part of my heart.

WEEK 26

178.        Who in your life do you wish you had met sooner?

The most truthful answer to this question is a person I have yet to meet – the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with. I will probably always want more time with that person, but I will be content with whatever time I have with them. 

179.        How do you spend your alone time?

I enjoy my alone time and can spend it doing a number of things: playing guitar, reading, watching Netflix, writing, and answering questions in my 365 Questions project.

180.        What is your favourite fairytale and why?

I’m not really big on fairytales. I either find them dark or a little too “happily-ever-after” for my taste. I know, I know. I'm such a romantic.

181.        Do you need to see things before you believe them?

I have to confess that I can be a doubting Thomas on occasion. It’s not that I don’t believe you necessarily but on some things I need facts and cold, hard proof.  But there are tons of things that fall into the other category. I have faith in a higher power – however you want to label it – and I don’t need visual proof. 

182.        What do you do each day that matters?

I’m kind to people and I hug as many as I can to show that I love them.

183.        Do rainy days make you sad?

Rainy days give me permission to snuggle under a comfy blanket and read or watch a good series on Netflix.

184.        What does beautiful mean to you?

Beauty can be anything that moves you, from a piece of music to a particular painting to the way a person’s smile can be reflected all the way up to their eyes.

WEEK 27

185.        What was the most surprising thing about growing up?

Probably that the adults (myself included) don’t really have all the answers. We’re all doing the best we can with the resources we have. 

186.        What act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget?

When my mother died, a number of good friends descended on my house and everyone told their favourite “Teresa” story. It was such a beautiful evening and helped turn what could have been a horrible memory, into a wonderful one. I love my friends.

187.        What three words best describe the last three months of your life?

Risk. Growth. Possibilities.

188.        What’s your favourite sound?

Really good piano music.

189.        Thinking only of this past month, what life lesson have you learned or re-learned (gentle reminder)?

That my chance for lasting love does not begin or end with one particular relationship or person.

190.        What’s important enough to go to war over?

That’s such a tough call as I’m not sure violence truly solves anything. It just creates more violence. Overthrowing a racist bully like Hitler was a pretty good reason to join the allied forces back in the day, but the world seems to have found a number of bullies to replace him. There is so much injustice in the world like poverty and genocide at hands of these bullies that I fear we would be at war all the time. I wish there was an alternate solution, other than brute force, to eradicate such atrocities from our world.

191.        If you could choose one story (fictional or non-fictional) as a message to those you love, which story would it be?

I think, being me, I would rather send my friends lyrics to a song. Now, having said that, it might be difficult to narrow it down to just one song. But I would want to let them know just how much their friendship has meant to me and how much I love them. So, I would probably send them James Taylor’s “You’ve Got A Friend.”

365 Questions: No, I am not a morning person

WEEK 21

143.        What makes you nostalgic and why?

Certain songs make me nostalgic because they remind me of a certain time in my life. The Irish Rovers or hearing Danny Boy will always remind me of my dad. Springsteen’s “Cadillac Ranch” always reminds me of my grade 13 year as it was one of our main party songs.

144.        Are you a morning or a night person?

I’m definitely a night person though I am going to bed a bit earlier these days. And, I can get up early for certain events (trips, golf) but it’s not my happy time.

145.        What kind of lifestyle makes you jealous?

I have to confess that I am a bit envious of those who just seem to have an easy time with relationships. My friend Kristin has decided there are two groups of people in life: those who move through life with ease in relationships and those who struggle. I’m in the latter category but I’m hoping that will change in the near future. I’m always hopeful.

146.        How would you describe the raw, unedited version of yourself?

Sensitive. Sexual. Tactile and affectionate. Quiet. Sweaty. Tired. Compassionate. A bit indecisive but moving in the right direction.

147.        How would you describe the sunset to someone who can’t see?

I honestly don’t know how to answer this question so would probably not be the best person to describe a sunset to my vision challenged friend. I might find a really beautiful piece of music with a lot of different parts and sounds and tell them a sunset is basically visually comparable to that piece of music. 

148.        Why are the things that are so bad for you, so good?

Good is relative. Everything in moderation is okay. But we all need to be a little bad sometime too.

149.        What do you know now that you wish you knew five years ago?

Your chance for love does not begin and end with one person.

WEEK 22

150.        What are you pretending not to know?

The balance on my credit cards.

151.        If you were a word, what word would you be and why?

I think I would be touch, because I’m very tactile and I like to touch people – whether it’s a hug or rubbing their back. It’s one way I express love for people.

152.        Why don’t you do the things you know you should be doing?

Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming. For the most part, I think I’m doing everything I should be doing but some tasks or activities just take a bit more energy.

153.        What can you do today that you couldn’t do this time last year?

I have learned a number of new skills at work. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? I have learned so much from Jaye, the graphic designer I work with and I am more confident in my skills. 

154.        What’s been the greatest adventure of your life?

Following Bruce around has been a pretty fun adventure. I joke that I have seen the arenas and concert halls of many great cities. I have met some very nice people along the way and been able to spend some great quality time with friends.

155.        When you think of ‘home,’ what comes to mind?

Home will always be Barry’s Bay. It’s where I grew up and still home to my favourite place on earth – my cottage.

156.        Do you give your loved ones the attention they deserve?

Definitely.

WEEK 23

157.        Do you believe in past lives?

Yes. In fact, my sister and I often joke that we were married in a past life. You meet certain people that you have such an instant connection with, you have to have known them before.

158.        What legacy do you want to leave?

I don’t have any grand ambitions, but I want people to feel like they were truly loved by me and treated with kindness.

159.        What is your personal blind spot?

My indecision or not trusting my gut instinct enough.

160.        Do you believe in magic?

I don’t believe in the David Copperfield kind of magic but I certainly believe there are magical moments in life as well as miracles.

161.        What does the committee in your head usually argue about?

What’s the “right” thing to do? If we do or say this, what will happen? If we do or say this other thing, what will happen then? Am I doing or saying the right thing?

162.        How is life asking you to grow right now?

Life is always challenging me to grow when it comes to relationships, and since I’ve been doing the dating thing for the past year, I feel this is where I’m being asked to grow the most right now. I’m learning how to be vulnerable and yet safe; how to develop trust and still be authentic. I’m learning how to set healthy boundaries and still be able to compromise for a partner. I'm learning when to let go and not to take things personally.

163.        In what ways could you be kinder to yourself?

In relationships, it’s not always about me . . . sometimes it’s about the other person and what they are going through. I need to remember that people are going through their own shit and stuff happens (or doesn’t happen) because of that . . . not because of something I’ve done or said.

365 Questions: Can you keep a secret?

WEEK19

129.        What limiting beliefs about the world are you holding on to?

Hmmmm.  I just wonder if we’ll be able to get it together in time to save the environment. By some accounts, it’s already too late but I like to think we can turn things around, or at the very least halt the process.

130.        How would you describe your childhood?

For the most part it was pretty idyllic. I grew up during a great time when kids could leave home in the morning and stay out unsupervised until dinner. We had great adventures. I was also blessed with a stay-at-home mother and a father with a good job. As my sister likes to say, we grew up in a one horse town and our family owned the horse, so we didn’t want for much. That being said, it wasn’t perfect. I loved my mother but she was a woman of very extreme emotions and the flavour of our days was pretty much dictated by her mood. I kept a diary for several years and many of my entries start with, “Mom is in a good/bad mood today.” But, the diaries also reference a lot of fun with good friends.

131.        What were you like as a teenager?

Again, if we reference the diaries, I’m sure I come across as a typical teenage girl: obsessed with losing 10 pounds, getting great marks and finding a way to get that certain boy to notice me. I was fairly quiet, and a band geek. Insecure but I liked to get involved. Basically, the social introvert I am today. 

132.        If you could send a three-sentence email to the entire world, what would it say?

Let’s all promise to treat people the way we’d like to be treated. And this includes the earth. There is enough for all of us.

133.        What, if anything, would you change about your life if you knew you were never going to die?

I would continue to eat better and exercise more so I could continue to enjoy life to the fullest.

134.        If you could start this life over, what would you do differently?

I don’t think I would make many changes but I would definitely start saving money earlier and adopt a healthy lifestyle at an earlier age. I would practise guitar and piano more often and learn musical theory.

135.        What moves you?

I’m a pretty sensitive soul and can be moved by hearing a beautiful piece of music or someone talk about the person they love. Any baring of the soul affects me. I cry during commercials, movies, songs, books, poetry readings . . .

WEEK 20

136.        If you could go back to school and study one subject, what would it be?

While I do love music, I think it would be cool to be able to speak another language so I’d probably take French.

137.        Have you forgiven yourself for past mistakes?

Yes. I’ve learned that there really aren’t any mistakes . . . just data. Everything is a lesson and every experience has created the person I am today. And, I’m pretty wonderful.

138.        What would you do if you won the lottery?

I would retire and I would also spoil my friends. I would likely start some kind of foundation or charity – probably geared to youth or seniors. If I won the lottery today, I would go to Europe and go to as many Springsteen shows as possible (bucket list item to see him in Europe).

139.        What is true strength?

Being authentic and doing what you say you're going to do.

140.        Are you good at keeping secrets?

Generally, I’m pretty good. I wouldn’t say I’m perfect but I keep the big ones.

141.        Do you think routine is important?

I’m a creature of habit and routine but I know it’s not for everyone. For me routine helps me be more productive and achieve my goals.

142.        Which fictional character do you wish was real?

There are so many. It would be cool if there really was a super hero like Iron Man.

365 Questions: Weeks 16 to 18

WEEK 16
108. What question do you hate to answer?

Well, I’m not really enjoying this question right now (just joking!). I would have to say that the question I don’t like to answer is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” At 54, I think I’m still figuring that out. I’ve never been much of a career person – I’ve always placed more importance on the people I work with. If you have a supportive team surrounding you, what you do doesn’t really matter. I like what I do, but it doesn’t really define me.

109. What cheers you up?

A good comedy can cheer me up but I usually rely on the kindness of my friends when I need a big pick-me-up. They always come through for me.

110. What’s your favourite time of day and why?

I know what my least favourite time of day is (morning) but it’s hard to pin down my favourite. I’m a night hawk so I tend to be more creative in the evenings, but, if I had to pick one favourite time, it likely would be around 5ish as that’s when work is over and I can get on with the business of having fun.

111. What’s the biggest turnoff in someone else?

I’m not a big fan of negativity or endless complaining. My sister says that you’re allowed to tell your story (vent) to three people. After that, it’s just whining. If there’s something wrong in your life, fix it. If you can’t fix it, find the appropriate people who can help you fix it. But complaining about the same thing over and over again, does not accomplish anything.

112. What one thing do you think people will say about you at your funeral?

I hope they will say that I made them laugh.

113. What was the best day of your life and why?

I think every day above ground is pretty good.

114. Do you really listen when people talk to you?

I really try to be an active listener.  But because I’m a problem solver, I can fall victim to trying to think of solutions when someone is telling me a problem . . . rather than giving them 100 per cent of my attention. 

WEEK 17
115. Is your life complicated by unnecessary things? If so, what are they?

I’m trying to declutter my house right now. I wouldn’t say it’s complicating my life but I’d like to have less stuff.

116. Are you a giver or a taker?

I’m a giver to the max.

117. What does love taste like?

Hmmm. Love tastes like a number of things: minty toothpaste, red wine, sweaty skin.

118. Do the people in your life bring out the best or worst in you?

I’m pretty lucky in that I am surrounded by positive, like-minded people who inspire me to be a better person. I have pretty much eliminated those who drain me.

119. What three things in your life would you change and why?

I would have less stuff (see #115). I would be in a committed relationship. While I’m enjoying the dating process, I would like to have that part of my life settled. I would like to have a bit more deposable income to do a few more things around my house.

120. What mistake have you made again and again?

Not having enough faith in my own intuition and I've made some poor choices because of this – stayed in a bad relationship longer than I should. Didn't change the oil in my car in time. I usually like to poll the audience (my friends), however I’m learning to trust my instincts more often.

121. When was the last time you took a big risk?

Did I mention I’m single and dating? In trying hard to present my authentic self on a consistent basis, I open myself up to vulnerability which is always a risk.

WEEK 18
122. What have you learned from your parents?

I learned the importance of giving back to your community from my mother who was an active volunteer. From my father, I learned the importance of having strong faith. 

123. What’s your favourite word and why?

I love the word minutia. I just love the way it sounds.

124. How many times have you fallen in love?

Three times.

125. Are you at peace with yourself? Why?

I’m pretty Zen at the present time. I’m pretty happy with who I am right now and what I’m doing with my life. 

126. What do you like to get lost in?

I can get lost in a good book or a lover’s eyes.

127. What makes you smile?

So many things make me smile: when a favourite song comes on the radio, puppies, watching my friends enjoy themselves, a witty remark, and so much more.

128. Do you typically listen to your head, heart or gut?

When it comes to work, I definitely listen to my head. But in everything else, I probably listen to my heart most. That being said, I’m learning to give my gut equal consideration.