365 Questions: What breaks my heart?

WEEK 24

164.        Are you standing in your own way?

I may have been in the past but I’ve moved out the way for a lot of things. I’m certainly not perfect but I’m making better choices and working on my stuff.

165.        Where/when do you get your best ideas?

I find I can come up with some pretty great ideas when I’m running. Despite the fact I love music, I don’t plug in when I exercise. I like to be alone with my thoughts during that time. When I’m exercising I like to meditate, ruminate, think about things, and I find it can be one of my most creative times.

166.        If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?

I think I would have to be a dog – simply because I absolutely love cuddling and being touched. And on occasion, I like to lick people . . .

167.        What do others usually ask you about?

Despite the fact that I’m single, my friends usually ask me for relationship advice or help in solving other kinds of problems. I also know a lot of people, so I’m a good source if you’re looking for someone with a particular skill. So, I get a lot of, “Do you know someone who does . . . “ kind of questions. 

168.        How open-minded would you consider yourself?

I’m a pretty open-minded person. I might be a bit opinionated when it comes to certain things like music, but I’m generally pretty open to hearing someone else’s take on things. Although, you will never get me to like Kanye West. I’m definitely closed-minded when it comes to him.

169.        Are you cheating on your future with your past?

I would definitely say I have cheated a part of my future because of past actions, but I’m living in the present as much as I can now and I have accepted my past as what it is: the past. I can’t change it and it’s made me the person I am today. But, the past is merely a reference section to where I’ve been and what I’ve done. It’s not a set of directions for where I’m headed in the future. 

170.        Do you “should” all over yourself?

Not anymore. “Should”ing serves no purpose.

WEEK 25

171.        When are you most present?

Well, definitely not in the morning. It’s probably around the early evening . . . maybe 6ish. I also try to be very present when I’m with people – especially those I really care about. 

172.        Do you believe in aliens?

I certainly believe they exist on some level, but I don’t really dwell on it too much.

173.        What breaks your heart?

When my trust is broken it breaks my heart. I’m an “all-in” kind of person and I love with abandon. When I open myself up to someone and allow myself to be vulnerable and then, for whatever reasons, my love is not appreciated or returned in the same manner, it crushes me. Rationally, I know when this happens it has absolutely nothing to do with who I am, but rather who they are, but the initial impact still hurts. I’m a sensitive soul, and until I started this whole dating process, I never realized just how sensitive I am. But a good friend told me recently that one of my gifts is making people feel like they’re the most important person in the room when I’m with them. So, it breaks my heart when this gift is rejected.

I was recently “ghosted” by someone I was seeing. For those of you not familiar with the term, it basically means that someone you’re dating just disappears from your life. No phone calls. No response to texts or calls.  No explanation; they’re just gone. When things aren’t working out – for one person or both people involved in a dating situation – it’s never pleasant to have “that” conversation. But while you, if you’re the one on the receiving end of the conversation, may feel sad or disappointed that the other person may not feel a connection, at least you have some closure. When you’re ghosted, you still end up feeling sad and disappointed, but you also feel unimportant, confused and rejected on a brand new level. And again, rationally, I know it doesn’t have anything to do with me. Rationally I know that. My little sensitive soul on the other hand needs a bit of time to grasp the concept. All I can say to anyone dating is, please try not to do this to anyone. There may be a number of reasons you feel why disappearing is the better way to go:you may think it’s kinder, less messy, not awkward or simply the easiest way to extract yourself from an unwanted relationship. But bottom line, it’s really not a nice way to end things. None of us like breaking up with someone – or being broken up with – but do the person a solid, and break up with them rather than just disappearing.

174.        When was the laugh time you laughed so hard it hurt?

I can remember laughing really hard with my co-worker and friend Jaye recently about something that just struck us as funny. For the life of me I can’t remember what it was, but we both laughed so hard (and couldn’t stop laughing) we cried. 

175.        Is your glass half empty or half full?

My glass is totally full.

176.        Do you practise self-love or self-loathing?

I practise self-love as often as I can. It’s just another muscle.

177.        When did your heart last beat so hard it felt like it would explode through your chest?

I don’t remember if my heart felt like it was going to explode, but, when the last guy I was seeing kissed me for the first time (on our first date) my heart definitely kicked into high gear. It was the kind of kiss I hadn’t been expecting but it unquestionably touched a deep part of my heart.

WEEK 26

178.        Who in your life do you wish you had met sooner?

The most truthful answer to this question is a person I have yet to meet – the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with. I will probably always want more time with that person, but I will be content with whatever time I have with them. 

179.        How do you spend your alone time?

I enjoy my alone time and can spend it doing a number of things: playing guitar, reading, watching Netflix, writing, and answering questions in my 365 Questions project.

180.        What is your favourite fairytale and why?

I’m not really big on fairytales. I either find them dark or a little too “happily-ever-after” for my taste. I know, I know. I'm such a romantic.

181.        Do you need to see things before you believe them?

I have to confess that I can be a doubting Thomas on occasion. It’s not that I don’t believe you necessarily but on some things I need facts and cold, hard proof.  But there are tons of things that fall into the other category. I have faith in a higher power – however you want to label it – and I don’t need visual proof. 

182.        What do you do each day that matters?

I’m kind to people and I hug as many as I can to show that I love them.

183.        Do rainy days make you sad?

Rainy days give me permission to snuggle under a comfy blanket and read or watch a good series on Netflix.

184.        What does beautiful mean to you?

Beauty can be anything that moves you, from a piece of music to a particular painting to the way a person’s smile can be reflected all the way up to their eyes.

WEEK 27

185.        What was the most surprising thing about growing up?

Probably that the adults (myself included) don’t really have all the answers. We’re all doing the best we can with the resources we have. 

186.        What act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget?

When my mother died, a number of good friends descended on my house and everyone told their favourite “Teresa” story. It was such a beautiful evening and helped turn what could have been a horrible memory, into a wonderful one. I love my friends.

187.        What three words best describe the last three months of your life?

Risk. Growth. Possibilities.

188.        What’s your favourite sound?

Really good piano music.

189.        Thinking only of this past month, what life lesson have you learned or re-learned (gentle reminder)?

That my chance for lasting love does not begin or end with one particular relationship or person.

190.        What’s important enough to go to war over?

That’s such a tough call as I’m not sure violence truly solves anything. It just creates more violence. Overthrowing a racist bully like Hitler was a pretty good reason to join the allied forces back in the day, but the world seems to have found a number of bullies to replace him. There is so much injustice in the world like poverty and genocide at hands of these bullies that I fear we would be at war all the time. I wish there was an alternate solution, other than brute force, to eradicate such atrocities from our world.

191.        If you could choose one story (fictional or non-fictional) as a message to those you love, which story would it be?

I think, being me, I would rather send my friends lyrics to a song. Now, having said that, it might be difficult to narrow it down to just one song. But I would want to let them know just how much their friendship has meant to me and how much I love them. So, I would probably send them James Taylor’s “You’ve Got A Friend.”